Both Things Are True: On Going Back to Work and the Guilt That Comes With It
By Claire Myers, Physiotherapist at Snö Clinics
If you’d asked me a year ago how I imagined returning to work after having babies, I don’t think I could have begun to imagine this! Not because it’s worse than expected — but because the mum guilt IS REAL.
I’m a mother to six-month-old twins, Elizabeth and Alexander. Recently, after nearly 5 years of working part time and having flexible working, I returned to full-time work as a physiotherapist.
Before the babies arrived, before I even knew I was pregnant, my colleague and I agreed to set up a physio clinic in collaboration with Snö Clinics. It was something we had worked towards, planned carefully, and committed to. Then, almost immediately after that agreement, I found out I was pregnant — with twins. Timing was a little off to say the least!
So when the time came, going back to work didn’t feel optional. This clinic wasn’t just a job I could ease back into or delay indefinitely. It was something I had helped build from the ground up. And as much as my heart ached at the thought of leaving the twins, I knew I had to step back in.
Leaving Elizabeth and Alexander every morning does not get easier, the mum guilt is consistent and never goes! It’s the quiet guilt of wondering what you’ll miss. First rolls. New sounds. Little moments that don’t announce themselves but matter deeply. I carry that weight with me every day — the feeling that someone else gets to witness things I would give anything to see. Thankfully we have a nanny who keeps me posted, but watching them off a phone screen isn’t quite the same.
However, at the same time (and this is the part that can feel uncomfortable to admit ) I also really enjoy being back at work. It’s an opportunity to find the Claire I used to be. I think mothers often lose themselves a little after having kids.
I enjoy being challenged again. I enjoy being thrown in the deep end with patients, problem-solving, thinking clinically and running a busy clinic. I enjoy using a part of my brain that had been quietly waiting in the background for a long time! I enjoy feeling competent, capable, and like myself again in a different way - but I do not enjoy this 10kg heavier part!
Thankfully we sleep trained the twins just after Christmas. The timing wasn’t ideal as it was my first week back but it was a NOW OR NEVER moment! I’m more than happy to share the sleep trainer with whoever wants it, she was fantastic. She came recommended from the Twins Group that Simone admins so we knew she must be good. The week was BRUTAL. There were tears (theirs and mine), self-doubt, and moments where I questioned every decision we were making. But it worked….! Having even a small sense of structure and predictability at night made returning to work survivable. I don’t think I could have coped without it.
I think one of the hardest parts of returning to work as a mum — especially as a twin mum — is the pressure to feel one way or the other. To either be devastated about leaving, or completely relieved to return. But for me, it’s neither. It’s both. Constantly… Sometimes within the same hour.
What have I learnt in the short time I have been back at work? Well actually it’s okay to miss your babies and still enjoy your job. It’s okay to feel torn. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It means you care deeply about both parts of your life. I keep remembering that all of these mixed feelings are just temporary and we’re all just doing our best to hold our families, our work, and ourselves together in the middle of it.
If that’s you too, you’re not alone! It’s good to talk! Like my mum always says, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ - please feel free to reach out! Or if you’re injured and needing some physio, you’re always welcome here at Snö.
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